By CK LeDaniel and Hostesses

Summer is the time for Woke Mom meetups! We are continuing to criss-cross the country, from Charlotte to Chicago and the Bronx to Baton Rouge. In Baton Rouge, the first one was so nice, they are doing it twice! Meetups are a great opportunity to meet the moms we’ve come to know and love online, focus our energies and our mission, and reinvigorate ourselves for the work ahead of protecting our boys. Below are some highlights from the hostesses of meetups held recently. If you'd like to host or attend a Woke Mom Meetup, learn more here.

New York, NY Pictures

Hostess Mercedes Brazier -- "If Langston was here, he would have wanted this."

"And so begins the launch of the MOBB United for Social Change Harlem Chapter inside the Historic Langston Hughes House in Harlem. The owner of the home checked in and shared a brief history as 9 Harlem moms gathered, snacked and shared pieces of our hearts. We were brought together on a common ground. We discussed our shared journey, our sons of various ages, and why we were there.

The founder of MOBB United, Depelsha Thomas McGruder, attended and shared why she created the organization and how/why we should get involved. We all would like to meet again...I appreciated this meeting because so much of it was already planned out -- an agenda and a PowerPoint (presentation).”

 

 

Elon, NC Pictures

Hostess Durice Galloway -- “I'm very excited (Durice) about the Woke Mom meet up for the Triad and Triangle. We had eight people register initially, and seven that attended the meeting! With that great yield, we were able to have all the non-members financially commit to joining the organization as financial members, which is a big win. All the members also agreed that an area chapter is warranted, and they thought it would be supported. We will have a followup in the next month or two, either September or October, to come back to the table.

We talked about future events, such as a walk in partnership with law enforcement agencies, and moms, and supporters to help share the story of our black community with law enforcement to change the narrative of our Black men and boys that law enforcement has seems to have. We talked about doing telethons and/or radiothons to drive membership.

In the beginning of the meetup, we started just sharing some of our stories and parenting advice and just how nice it is, like a breath of fresh air, to be surrounded by Black moms who understand what we're all going through. Various ages and stages were present. We had new moms, and then we had moms who had kids and now are grandmoms who have kids back in their lives.

I'm leaving feeling very motivated very excited, and I'm just even more passionate about the causes. We had special leadership guests Tiffany Bargeman and Crys Baldwin with their excellent experience with MOBB United that I think really helped convince our attendees to become members, and I'm excited.”

 

 

Staten Island, NY Pictures

Hostess Tammy Greer Brown -- "On Sunday, July 30, 2017, approximately 15 people gathered at the Everything Goes Book Café for the first ever MOBB United Staten Island Meet and Greet. Known for its relaxed and inviting atmosphere, ETG Book Café is located on the North Shore of Staten Island minutes away from the Staten Island Ferry. It is also next to the very spot where Eric Garner took his last breath.

As mothers, aunts, and visitors listened intensely to Depelsha McGruder give a fantastic overview of the organization, many were touched by the shared stories of our fears and optimism for our young boys. Inspired by the mission and vision of MOBB United for Social Change, moms volunteered to pass out postcards at family reunions and sign up as members. Ronald Gregg, Esq. who attended the event, a former police officer and judge, pledged his services to the organization as well.

It is our goal to meet again in the Fall and bring in more mothers who share our mission and vision to protect our sons on Staten Island. We ended the meeting with a picture in front of the shrine created in memory of Eric Garner. It was forever a day we will always remember."

 

 

Bronx, NY Pictures

Hostess Rev. Dr. Deborah Jenkins with Tammy Greer Brown

Jenkins: “I hosted this first meetup at Faith at Work Christian Church, 120 Dekruif Place Bronx, NY 10475. All attendees were impressed with the presentation. Though few in number, each seemed committed to recruiting other moms and trying to grow a chapter. Subsequent to the meeting, I received several inquiries and apologies from moms who couldn't attend. One mom volunteered to organize a Northeast Bronx chapter here in Co-Op City; her name is Janine Thomas. The church is available for all future meetings, and I am eager to be a part of its growth."

Brown: “A small and intimate group of women met in the sanctuary of Faith at Work Church in the heart of Co-Op City in the Bronx. Invited by Pastor Deborah Jenkins, this famous residential area has a population of nearly 45,000, of which families, children and the church grows daily.

With a population of nearly 90K people who are of African and Latino descent, activism is interwoven into the very fabric of this church. Because they have a separate and thriving community apart from the rest of the Bronx, Co-Op City pays for its own NYPD security, thus their relationship is very different than in other parts in the Bronx. The police officers pretty much know the young children by name and work very closely with the tenant association to strengthen community relations. However, the church and its members have name recognition and extend their outreach beyond the borders of Co-Op City."

By Natasha Marie

     Being in the right place at the wrong time could cost you everything! Just picture it:  You’re a single mom who’s faced with the daunting task of paying all of the bills with little or no help. You must work hard to support your family and make ends meet. You’re trying to be the best role model you can be for your son, but often you wish there were strong Black men in your life or his who could positively impact him and encourage him to make wise choices. Your son is an only child growing up in your home, so you desperately want him to have friends his age. Truthfully, you’re not happy about the friends he’s selected lately. You want him to make sound decisions without ‘mommy’ being too overbearing, so you decide to cut him some slack.

     One day you head off to work and pray for the best, just like you do every other day. Little do you know that this day wouldn’t turn out to be just like any other normal day. As a matter of fact, this day would permanently alter the very course of life as you know it... for you and your child!

Nicole Cade and son, Nikell

     Nicole Cade, also known as “Nikki”, is the 42-year-old mom of one son, Nikell. She is an upstanding, law-abiding citizen. She is a believer in God. She is a faithful employee, and most of all, she’s a mom -- just like many of you who may be reading this. She is heartbroken that her son, Nikell, was recently incarcerated.

     Nikki describes her son as kind-hearted, loving and respectful. Her son is very intelligent and enjoyed school as a young child. He didn’t have very many teachers who took him under their wings, but he never had problems at school. He wasn’t a troublemaker. He was the type of child who showed remorse when he made mistakes. Often times, when he did something wrong, he would apologize and then question why he had displayed such actions.

     One day, Nikki kissed her son goodbye and headed out the door. She never expected her phone to ring later that day with news from a stranger that her son was in jail. She had every reason to believe her child was safe and sound at school. When you’re focused on making ends meet and just getting through another work day, the last thing you expect to receive is a call from prison informing you that your only child has been taken in for questioning.  

     On the day he was arrested, Nikell did what many inquisitive and curious 16-year-olds do.  He opened the door open to his private life and allowed someone to walk in -- someone he viewed as a friend. The company of this ‘friend’ caused Nikell to end up in a vehicle that was tied to a crime. Because he was present, an arrest was made. As if the arrest weren’t enough, there also was an interrogation that took place before he was given an opportunity for legal representation. Because of his age, Nikell had to be tried as an adult in the state where he lives. Then he had to wait patiently for his sentencing -- a process that took almost an entire year.

     As a mother, Nikki always has felt obligated to protect her son. Now that he is in the hands of  the judicial system, she often feels helpless. Seeing her son in jail has been one of the most difficult experiences for her as a mother. Recently, she had to go to court and face the judge who would sentence Nikell. The maximum sentence for the crime was as much as 15 years. In July 2017, on the day of the sentencing, Nikki was a ball of emotion again, much the same way she was when she found out Nikell had gone to jail.

     Nikki could feel fear trying to rise in her heart that day as she and her beloved son waited to hear how many years this young man would stay in jail. Somehow, this was around the same time she stumbled across the MOBB United Facebook page. The details of her son’s story were purposefully excluded from a post that she shared there, as well as from this article to protect his privacy. Still, it took a tremendous amount of courage for her to post in the group that she needed prayers for her boy. Nikki says she was not only shocked but completely overwhelmed by the outpouring of love, prayers and support she felt in response to her post. “The presence of a very supportive MOBB family is what allowed me to go into Nikell’s sentencing and stand -- with confidence!” says Nikki.

     Nikki’s local community poured out their love also -- in the form of many letters -- to prove this young man’s character. Thankfully, the judge decided to give him 2 years instead of 15. But sadly, the story doesn’t end here. Nikki told me, “My son is in there with grown men and will come out of jail knowing way more than he did when he went in.” The question is, where are the resources that will help to rehabilitate our young Black men once released from the justice system? The level of difficulty they face when trying to assimilate themselves back into society is startling. Nikki went on to explain that although her son will get out of prison in 2 years, “my fear is him being institutionalized!”

     This young man was swept into the system. He may or may not have had positive Black male role models to properly influence him. He may or may not have had the kind of friends who had his best interests at heart. He now is faced with the very harsh reality of a criminal justice system that will force him to grow up faster than his mom ever wanted.

     The power of a positive mother has the potential to change any negative situation! As a supportive mom, Nikki is dedicated to visiting with her son weekly. She has embraced MOBB United and all the support from fellow moms that she so desperately needs right now. This organization is dedicated to providing just that and will continue to support moms and their sons in this way. In due time, Nikki and Nikell will have the resources they need to beat the “system,” and they will end up just fine. With MOBB United, no mom ever will stand alone again. There is so much work to be done for our sons, so please consider joining us in this fight to protect them.

By Delicia Hand

VOLUNTEER SHOUT OUT
Frankie Robertson

“Volunteering with MOBB United and MUSC is an honor. It gives me the opportunity to affect change for Black Boys and men with a group of women who know firsthand how I feel. It's not always easy, but I make time to serve, not only for my son, but for all of our sons. I want them to grow up in a world free of institutional racism that has them as its primary target. I want them to reach their fullest potential and be valued in society and afforded their constitutional rights like any mom. Until then, I will remain on the front lines putting my heels to the ground to fight for and protect them.”

     Since joining the MOBB United for Social Change (MUSC) Policy and Advocacy Committee in January, Frankie Robertson has hit the ground running, and MUSC has benefited tremendously as a result. In addition to serving as lead for the Baton Rouge chapter, she has been a key contributor and leader of our policy and advocacy work. MUSC is so fortunate to have her energy, talent and commitment at work for us.

     On Saturday, August 5th, she organized MUSC’s participation in a state lobby day in support of criminal justice reform initiatives, and she also has established a strong presence amongst peer organizations and elected officials for MUSC on the ground in Louisiana.

     During our anniversary month, Frankie organized not one, but two meetups in the Baton Rouge area. She also invited and then facilitated Baton Rouge Mayor Broome’s participation in a recent national call. This Summer, she has organized MUSC’s Congressional outreach, ensuring that a number of members organized meetings with Congressional representatives to share our mission and policy agenda.

     Moving forward, Frankie will use that passion and drive to take on a greater leadership role in our Policy and Advocacy Committee, specifically overseeing our advocacy initiatives.  

    Remember that ONE thing is a big thing. If you volunteer to do just one thing that you have time and energy to do, it is something that will make a world of difference in the lives of our sons.

     Please volunteer today.

By Tiffany Bargeman

     Volunteerism is rewarding, but the time, effort, energy, and passion we pour into it is immeasurable. We all know already that moms are absolutely the busiest people in the world. Raising our children qualifies us for that title. And yet we go so far beyond that calling, many by volunteering with this organization. MOBB United appreciates the hard work of all of our volunteers.

     MOBB United Selects are nominated by their MOBB United peers. Strong women lift each other up, right? These ladies have been recognized this year for contributing so much to this organization: Vivian Nwankpah (February), Beth Lunde (March), Alycia Michelle Grace (May), and Tee Wilson (June). Help us honor these women by joining the fight to protect our sons. We need you on the front lines too. Our sons’ lives are worth it.

By Shellie Moore Guy

          This is a poem I wrote in 1990-1991 when my sons and daughters were faced with harassment and stereotypical behaviors from the white community -- police, teachers, etc. I considered this issue in the historical context and understood my sons would need to maneuver and live in this world, where they are considered a threat and "less than". And because of that, their lives would be threatened. But they come from a rich tradition of strength, courage and intelligence.

Copyright 1995

By Depelsha McGruder

     Periodically, I select a mom's post that moved me personally. It may have inspired me or made me laugh, cry, or think differently. The following moms have been recognized with the MOBB to MOBB Award (#mobb2mobb) over the past year as a result of the following posts in the private FaceBook group (reposted here with permission). Thank you for your inspiration, moms.

Terri L. Silar, Jan 2017

Stacey Harris, Aug 2016

Orissa Michelle Milton, Aug 2016

By Tiffany Bargeman

     MOBB United's Volunteer Shout Out this month goes to Kimberley Alexander.

Kimberley has two Black sons, both with special needs: A. Jay, 11 (pictured left), and Malik, 18. A. Jay has a rare condition called Eosinophilic Esophagitis. Malik suffered a brain injury when he was nine years old, which caused Kimberley to take the murder of Keith Scott hard. Protecting her sons is a critical mission for Kimberley. Texas TV station KHOU 11 featured A. Jay's story on the news not long ago, and there's more in this public Facebook video.

     We asked Kimberley to tell us more about why she gives so much of her time, talent and energy to this organization. You know what she told us?

     “As Black men and boys, they have been a permanent underclass...as Black men and boys with special needs they are preyed upon. Underserved, misunderstood and passed over. Invisible to society and targeted by law enforcement. I want that to change, I want every son who is different to have a chance at life safely and through their lenses, not the ones we give them.”

     Check out this video featuring heartfelt words of moms with special needs Black sons. It shows more about why Kimberley has rolled up her sleeves to protect not only her son, but our sons.

     Here's how Kimberley has been contributing:

• Works with the Special Needs Committee to support any member with a child that has a need that is special
• As a part of MOBB United Outreach, traveled to Tulsa, OK with a group of moms to offer support to Terence Crutcher’s loved ones. Visited the site of his last breath and attended his funeral.
• Former co-lead of the Houston Chapter of MOBB United.
• Freelances with the Communications Committee, assisting where needed with communications strategy.
• Assists with keeping the Facebook community respectful and shares valuable information about how to protect our sons.

     Kimberley is very busy with MOBB United and her family; her list of contributions is long. It may be hard for some to believe that one woman can do so much; but as fellow moms, we all know how it goes.

     Remember that ONE thing is a big thing. If you volunteer to do just one thing that you have time and energy to do, it is SOMEthing that will make a world of difference in the lives of our sons. Please volunteer today.

By Kathei McCoy

          We are honored to memorialize our SunAngels and to extend our support to you as you grieve the loss of your sons. Moms of Black Boys United, Inc. (MOBB United) was founded out of grief over lost sons not personally known to most of us, but we embrace all of our princes as our own and we share in your sadness as well as your joyful memories.

Please know that regardless of how or when your son left us, you have a community of mothers, some of whom are on the same path as you are, here to provide you with hope and encouragement whenever you need it. We realize that it may be difficult at times to participate in the group, but we want you to be assured that you will always be considered a MOBB United mom.

Together, let us celebrate the life and memory of each of your SunAngels; they will never be forgotten.

Walking the Circle

by Keisha Gaye-Anderson

How many times
can you walk a circle?

You are breathless
in this flesh
blind and forgetful
and partially deaf
pulled by the nose
across the globe like cattle
aching from a boundless hunger
which is really only
questions

Why I?
Why now?
Why pain?
Why at all?

And you are marching
toward that carrot
straight into the mouths of cannibals
that live in your
peripheral vision
in the foreground
in the background
in the space in
between your eyes

They are a mist
coating you with
a mask that you
mistake for
your reflection

So when you hear,
A man was shot today
A man was lynched today
A street vendor was bulldozed today
A woman was raped today
A child...

You say,
"That is out there"

But
how many times can you walk a circle?
and not know that
You are the corpse
The wrinkled street vendor
The strange fruit
The woman sawed in two
The child
The child
The child?

How many times
how fast
can you walk
a circle
before crashing into
yourself?

By C.K. LeDaniel

          MOBBUnited is more than 176,000 moms strong and growing, but we are made exponentially stronger by virtue of our partnerships with others.  While ours is a singular focus on the well-being of our Black suns, there are many other groups whose goals overlap with and complement our own.

          One such organization is Points of Light (POL), “the world’s largest organization dedicated to volunteer service”. POL worked with us, as MOBB Malikah Berry, the Senior Vice President of Programs for Points of Light, helped MOBBUnited moms across the country gather with their sons to volunteer on Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, 2017.  POL helped to connect us with opportunities to bond with our boys around service, while providing them with the sense of empowerment that comes from doing for others. Together, we volunteered to beautify communities, distribute water and food, make hats and blankets for children affected by cancer, and lots more.

          Please enjoy these pictures of MOBBUnited moms and their suns and join us in changing the false perception of our Black boys and men from those who drain their communities of resources to those who enrich and improve them.

By Tiffany Bargeman

         When a Black son is victimized, his mother suffers unimaginable grief, along with others in his immediate family. Moms of Black Boys United, Inc. (MOBB United), as his extended family, grieves as well. We grieve with the mother whose son was taken from her. We grieve with his children who will grow up without their father. We grieve for his community that will miss out on his talent and positive contributions. We grieve for this country, which suffers from the chronic sickness of fear that led to the untimely death of this son.

          How important is sisterhood in the time of tragedy? It is paramount. MOBB United knows this and takes action. We reach out by getting out of our routines and on the road, attending the memorials, funerals, and protests. We reach out and touch those families with physical presence, hugs and words of encouragement. Their loved ones’ lives mattered. Outreach and love matter once their lives have been lost, and that’s what MOBB United does. We don’t just talk about it. We do it. MOBB United actively supports victims’ families.

          Below are some personal accounts from MOBB United moms who reached out to the families of victims Reginald Thomas Jr., Terence Crutcher, and Alfred Olango during these trying times. Get ready because they're about to take you with them to the scenes.

Reginald Thomas, Jr. killed in Pasadena, CA by Pasadena officers
by Vanessa McCullers

          Reginald Thomas, Jr. died on September 30, 2016 in front of his home. Excessive use of force with a stun gun by officers from the Pasadena police department was the result of what started as a call from the victim’s family. Thomas was a father of six with a son on the way.

          That night, my husband got a call from a friend who was Reginald’s cousin. She knew I was involved in MOBB United, and she had one question, “Will MOBB go and visit this Mom?” At the time, I was preparing for a trip to San Diego to rally on behalf of Alfred Olango, who had been killed days before.

          What started as a call for help to 911 from Reggie turned into tragedy when he was tasered to death. While driving to San Diego we made plans to head to Pasadena the next day. Unbeknownst to all, before the day was over, we would be discussing plans to meet with yet another family whose son was gunned down by the LAPD as he was being pursued.

          Back from the road trip, we used  ribbon that remained from the Alfred Olango rally and memorial site visit in El Cajon, CA the day before to dress the memorial site for Reggie Thomas. Neighbors shared that his wife was out gathering cleaning supplies to clean up before family members arrived. To help lessen the load a bit more, we did a quick grocery run to ensure she would have easy prep foods during the week. By the time we got back with the groceries, Reggie’s wife had returned. Shainie was stoic in her appearance, never wavering in her stance. She intended to be the strong one for the family. She accepted our assistance on that day and followed gracefully. The only moment we saw a break in her demeanor was when her baby girl started to cry at the funeral. She could hold on to her own pain, but to see her children break down was too much for her to bear.

          Shainie and I continued our communication in the following months. As the birth of her little one neared, we talked more and more. Her kids had just lost their Dad but were gaining a new sibling. She wondered if she could get through this, how she would continue to provide for her children and the new one on the way, and how she would raise her new son without a father? We encouraged her to write down her memories of Reggie as as a way to help with her grief while preparing stories she could share with her son in the future. On December 27, 2016, 3-months after his father’s death, Eli Thomas made an early arrival.

          On May 13, 2017, MOBB United met Shainie and other moms on the #PamperPatio with information on how to support our movement and also on the Red Carpet, asking questions and getting insight on the tough job of #Motherhood and raising our Black sons.

Scandal-less Mother’s Day Brunch

          On Mother’s Day this past May, MOBB United treated two very special moms -- Carlina Smith and Shainie Lindsay -- to a celebrity-filled Mother’s Day Brunch. For these women, this Mother’s Day was met with the pain of remembering their loved ones, who died last year 1 day apart due to excessive violence by law enforcement officers.

          Shainie was 7 months pregnant with her son Eli when her husband Reggie was shot by police with tasers so severely that he suffered a heart attack and died. The next day, on October 1, steps away from his home and about 15 miles from where Reggie was killed, Carnell Snell, Jr. was hit with three bullets in the back of his body as he tried to escape the police in a foot chase. Days after their loved ones were killed, Shainie and Carlina were surrounded by love when Los Angeles members of MOBB United appeared at their doors with gifts of love and support. The group has since stayed in touch with the women and provided continued support.

          Both women were invited to the Scandal-less Mother’s Day Brunch, hosted by Cario Events and others, for a chance to meet with fellow moms and enjoy a day when they should feel honor instead of pain. They were treated to massages, manicures, and mimosas for an afternoon, while celebrity moms, Melanie Fiona and Kristina Kusmic also were honored. “Moms of Black Boys United wants these moms to know that we understand and feel their pain and are here to support them,” said Founder Depelsha McGruder.

          The brunch was the first time Carlina and Shainie had met. Their stories are different, but there is one common thread: Their loved ones are gone, and no one is answering for it. “My children no longer have a father. I’m now a single parent, and it’s just so hard to carry on. I’m grateful for the support from this sisterhood of women fighting to protect our sons,” said Shainie.

Terence Crutcher, killed in Tulsa, OK by Officer Betty Shelby

By Kimberley Robinson Alexander

          I remember the moment that silence overtook the car in which we rode. The laughter and smiles were replaced with the reality of our purpose in Tulsa, OK. The five of us had talked about it not being the first time that profound tragedy had added the stench of death to the air. I was thinking, “it is like a desert town.” And almost as quickly, someone remarked that it was so quiet and barren. The contrast from what appeared to be affluent neighborhoods and what was clearly considered “hood” was strikingly delineated from one sidewalk to the next. We arrived at the hotel and checked in wearing our MOBB United t-shirts and jeans, carrying the clothes we would wear as we represented an organization mourning with the Terence Crutcher family.

          We drove in echoing silence as night draped over us. In an instant, we were in a caravan of cars being directed through a dirt parking lot filled with rows and rows of vehicles. We parked and began walking. The closer we got, the more we were amazed. It was as if the whole town was where we were. There were Blacks and Whites, old and young, women and men, strangers and family, dignitaries and lay folk. There were license plates from all over the country…east coast met west coast and everything in between; together, on this night, under one roof, with one purpose, to say good-bye, in small town Tulsa.

          We followed the family in passing life size pictures of Terence. They were displayed on easels. In each, his eyes were alive, bright. He posed with loved ones and the warmth jumped off the canvas. As we shuffled closer to the sanctuary doors, I knew the life I saw in the vestibule would not be present once I passed the threshold.

It took us a while to get in, capacity had been met, and the fire marshals were prepared to shut it down. I leaned over and asked, “What is capacity?” An usher replied, “1200!” In awe I thought, ‘truly death has brought life to this town.’ I sat and watched, at times, with tears streaming down my face. I openly mourned for a man I had never met, in a place I had never been, with people I didn’t know; and yet, I felt as connected to them in grief as I have to others for those close to me. A life’s promise had been extinguished.

          When the service ended, we were greeted by members of the Crutcher family who were moved by our travel and what MOBB United represented. We talked for a while as people filed out of the church. These women were in their Sunday best -- women whom we would call seasoned saints. They stood tall in their grief and their voices would not shake. They took our hands and in loud, strong voices, they petitioned God on our behalf. My knees were weak; I was overwhelmed at the care and the concern that those we came to service for had for us. I was moved.

          The first night was done. As the adrenaline rush subsided, we all realized we were famished. Returning to the hotel and changing, we found we shared purpose with many staying where we were, making small talk as we walked. We recapped over dinner and each shared thoughts and feelings on what we had just witnessed. Strangers engaged us in conversation expressing the hurt that the town was feeling behind this tragedy. We were prepared to leave when our waitress came over and said, “I applied a 40-dollar gift card [that] I received as a tip to your bill. I overheard why you are here; thank you!”

          The next day we would attend church with the Crutcher family, his dad, wife, children and other relatives. Again, we were greeted with love as we sat and listened to Terence’s father play pain through the piano keys. His wife sat quiet, exchanging hugs with each person who passed her.

          After service, we went to the place where Terence died. Instantly, the air got thick as we left the car. We were anxious to get there but moved in slow motion once we arrived. There was a makeshift memorial at the site where he took his last breath. This day, the air was damp, rain was coming. There was a ditch on either side of the road; the street was black top. It was a place you would drive by and would see road kill. His life was taken like an animal wandering in the middle of the road. Police markings remained on the ground where he laid dead. We laid pink and black ribbon next to other memorials and prepared to make our final stop.

          Meeting Terence’s wife at her attorney’s office, we presented her with a token of love from MOBB United: a photo album of past memories because with Terence, there would be no future to share.

Terence Crutcher (continued)
by Munirah Smalls

          I remember driving into Tulsa feeling a numbness. I'd been to funerals before, but this was different, very different. I'd never come to support anyone in this light before. I did not know Terence Crutcher. He was not a part of my family. We were not friends. Truthfully, until September 16, 2016, I and a world full of strangers would probably have never known who he was. He was a Black man murdered. Simply and truthfully.

          That one specific point was the reason I and four other members of MOBB United were in Tulsa. We were there to support the family of the fallen and to let the world know, no longer as mothers of the fallen would we mourn in silence. I didn't feel like mourning. I was enraged. There was a gray feeling that consumed me. The town was quiet and almost desolate by the time we got there. It felt ghost like, until we pulled up to the church. There were cars and people from everywhere. People, like our delegation, had come from everywhere to pay their respects. I was proud and crushed at the same time. Why and how many more Black men would we have to do this for? Why in this day and age did we have to keep doing this? The emotions you uncover in those types of moments are full range. I kept a strong face to do my task at hand. But I was completely broken. I was screaming and crying within. I watched and listened as people scurried past me. Even once I made it into the sanctuary, the melancholy veil that was beginning to completely cloak me was not dissipating. I could hear the kind words, the prayer calls, the pulse of the crowd. But I was sitting there in this deafening silence within wanting to scream and shake something. I wanted this to begin to reverse itself like a virtual resin and undo that fateful September evening. But that was not to be the case. A life had been taken in cold blood and now we wanted justice.

          Nothing prepared me for the crime scene visit. I remember us turning onto the street where Terence Crutcher was gunned down. The car went quiet as we slowly came to the actual spot.  There was a small memorial alongside the road, some candles and flowers marking it. The tears began to swell in our eyes. We said nothing. I remember Kim and I tracing the steps to the exact spot in the road where his body would lay lifelessly.  We stared at each other, tear stained faces. I closed my eyes and played back the viral video the world had seen over and over. And I finally broke. I cried out. I sobbed uncontrollably. The tears are falling again as I share this recount. It was too much. We could feel him. Terence Crutcher had died a senseless death, and we knew it. But more importantly, we felt it. With every fiber in our being, standing at the murder scene brought it full circle to each of us; our work was not only necessary. We were chosen. I bent down to touch the ground where he took his last breaths. All I kept saying to myself was that he was a few blocks from home. He was a few minutes away from his family. He was a few minutes away from this. A few minutes changed my life and took Terence Crutcher's. He was no longer a viral media sensation being shown in duplicity on my timeline. He was a real person. He was someone's son, father, brother and husband. He was a Black man. He was murdered. Not because he'd done anything wrong. He was a Black man on the wrong street at the wrong time. That moment changed my life forever.

Alfred Olango, killed in El Cajon, CA by El Cajon Officers
by Pamela Wood-Garcia

          I saw media coverage of Alfred Olango's killing less than an hour after he he was shot . “A Black man having an emotional breakdown was shot by the cops.”

          San Diego's African-American community was rocked by this senseless murder. How could something so sadistic happen in our community? Come to find out Alfred had very close ties to my family. Alfred spent lots of time with my brothers. They referred to him as “Snake”. They were helping write a story about his life as a child soldier in Uganda. My nephews, Michael and Arthur were best friends with Alfred's younger brother, Tony. They all played high school football together. It was very painful to watch a family suffer that had such close ties to mine. A family who deserved so much more from a country that they came to seeking refuge had to suffer through such a tragic ordeal. It was painful to watch the way the El Cajon Police Department treated a man's life like it was limited to a few run-ins with the law. There was never any justice served in Alfred's killing despite the fact that the cop that shot him had a tainted past.

          We, as a community, practically were told that what we saw was not real and that we had to deal with the officer's perception of the situation even though eye witnesses gave accounts of Alfred's murder. The entire incident was caught on video via camera phone. The video should have been released immediately, but the public didn't see it until after more than a week. As a MOBB United mom, I felt like marching and chanting cries of justice for our loved one was therapeutic. We expressed our hurt and anger, but It didn't bring Alfred back. It didn't mend his mother's broken heart, and it didn't serve up any justice. There was no accountability brought forth from marching. The frontlines are not out on the streets with cops. The frontlines are in townhalls, city councils, Congress, the Senate, and courthouses. Legislation is our greatest ally AND our greatest enemy. We have lots of work to do; those trenches are deep.

          Unfortunately, MOBB United Outreach is not a finite work. We have to continue following current events and seeking ways to reach out to families of victims, those who are killed by law enforcement, but also those who are harassed or brutalized. It is important to let them know someone is in their corner and get them involved in the mission, fueled by their first-hand experiences.

By C.K. LeDaniel

          As mothers of Black boys and men, our joys are sometimes mitigated by worry as we watch our sons navigate through a world that often places their well-being, their freedom, and their very lives at risk. One of the ways we help each other cope is by sharing knowledge and support. MOBB United’s Education Committee launched our Book Club with both of these ends in mind.

          Please meet Kumari Ghafoor-Davis, Chair of our Education Committee. She is a graduate of Columbia University School of Social Work, and she is a Parent Coach with her own consulting company, Optimistic Expectations. Together with Uchechi Eke and myself, Kumari is also the Co-Lead of the MOBB United Book Club. I asked them both some questions so that all of our moms can become more familiar with what we are doing and hopefully join us in our readings and discussions.

            Hello Kumari, can you tell us a little bit about the MOBB United Book Club?

          Yes, of course. Our Book Club was launched on March 18 with the book, “The New Jim Crow: Mass Incarceration in the Age of Colorblindness,” by Michelle Alexander. We selected this book in part because it is featured in the documentary, 13th, by Ava Duvernay, which MOBB United watched together and discussed in our first ‘Watch Party.’  The issue of mass incarceration is central to our purpose as we seek to advocate for our sons and #protectthem from a system of law enforcement that makes them vulnerable not only to the tragic use of force by police officers, but also to arrest, imprisonment, and the social, economic, and political disenfranchisement that results upon release. Alexander shows us just how this system came to be and how it is perpetuated.

          Yes, she does! In the book, Alexander explains that mass incarceration was designed to reinstate the segregation of slavery and Jim Crow by using different and more socially acceptable language in the years that followed the Civil Rights movement. Code words like ‘Law and Order’ and the ‘War on Drugs’ were used to pander to racism among working class Whites, allowing politicians and moneyed interests to maintain and expand their privilege and power.  The result, as we see now, is an overwhelmed and underfunded judicial system and a for-profit prison industrial complex with a population that has quadrupled in the past four decades -- a population that is disproportionately represented by our sons.

          Uchechi, you are one of many international members of the MOBB United community.  What made you want to be a part of this organization?

          The reason I joined MOBB United, even though I'm based in England, is because the system of white supremacy, racism and injustice is global. Black boys on both sides of the Atlantic are subject to stop and search laws, are charged with harsher sentences for first time or non-violent offences, are imprisoned at disproportionate rates and suffer discrimination at all strata of society. It's harder for our sons to gain meaningful employment. To secure finance. To buy a home. To live in peace and be afforded dignity and respect. My 3-year-old son may be too young to understand or has not yet felt the effects of racism, but he will soon learn that the world he lives in is unwelcoming and hostile. That structures are in place to deny him parity with his peers. That systematic oppression is practiced across the Diaspora.

          Thank you for that. It’s important for us here in the U.S. to develop a global consciousness about race as well, even as we grapple with daily issues at home.

          Kumari, can you tell me what motivated you personally to get involved with the book club?

          As the mom of four black/brown boys, I worry daily about their safety. I cringe when our oldest, aged 24, leaves the house. When he is driving away in his car or hopping on the bus to work, I worry, despite the fact that he has a college degree and wears a suit every day. Sometimes it feels like our boys are never safe, like we cannot protect them, like the odds are stacked against them. Michelle Alexander shows us that they are. And it’s important for us to understand how they are. You know, knowledge is power!

          Yes, it is!  And so is community. What would you say is the purpose of our reading this book together?

          “The New Jim Crow” is a heart-wrenching read. It’s painful, and even more so enraging to learn about the deliberate actions of politicians and lawmakers to put African-American males, our sons, behind bars.

          People have told me they cried while reading it.

          That’s true, and by reading this book together, MOBB United moms are able to support each other through the process.

          Uchechi, how do you think it helps to read the book together?

          A book club, just like the Facebook group, is an important forum not only to share experiences but to elevate our state of consciousness. The “New Jim Crow” is a timely and necessary read. In no uncertain terms, it arrests your attention and provokes emotions. It clearly and poignantly paints a picture of the real forces at work. The prison industrial complex is a deliberate system set up to deny our sons freedom. Incarceration does not rehabilitate. Our boys are torn from their families. Separated from their communities, tortured and brutalized, mentally broken, and left spirituality bankrupt. These are hard truths, but the profound impact found in Alexander's book helps lead us moms in banding together to effect change.

          How can MOBB United moms join the book club, Kumari?

          We began to post the book club in the MOBB United Facebook group in March, so they can search for the posts there with the hashtag #mobbunitedbookclub and note their interest in comments, but we have also moved the book club over to the MOBBUnited.org website. Moms can click Community in the upper-right corner of the >homepag, click Forums, and then click “The New Jim Crow”. I expect that we will be engaging in some poignant and intense conversations there, as we read about the truly malicious plans that have been made to set our sons up for failure and as we talk about how we can work together to keep the boys and men we love out of jail. Doing so in the safe and supportive environment of moms with Black sons in common is also a way that we can promote self-care as we work towards change.

          I agree. I’d also like to point out that the Health and Wellness Committee has a sub-committee for MOBB moms with sons in the criminal justice system. Is there anything else you’d like to share with us, Kumari?

          As moms, our voices will be heard and this book will help us to keep our journey, vision and goals, in sight.

By Amber E. Williams

     Perhaps it was a moment of deja vu as the nation watched another hurricane form in the Atlantic after Hurricane Harvey had already devastated Texas just a couple of weeks before.  This time, it was Irma who threatened the Caribbean and the state of Florida as a category five hurricane. Florida residents took heed of the impending threat of the storm and evacuated to safety or prepared to ride out the storm, learning from Texas to take the situation seriously. The nation held its breath as Irma pounded the Caribbean islands and loomed toward the United States. On September 10th, Hurricane Irma landed on the southwest side of Florida and, like Harvey in Texas, left a trail of tornadoes, flooding, and destruction.

     Even though Houston and other parts of Texas are still reeling from the aftermath of Hurricane Harvey, help and aid has not run out, and this assistance is extended to victims of Hurricane Irma. Moms of Black Boys United, Inc. stands ready to support moms in the state of Florida, just as it has done over the past few weeks in Houston. It is the goal of MOBB United to help moms in Texas and in Florida to recover physically, emotionally, and mentally from these natural disasters.

     In Houston, moms are using this opportunity of service and volunteerism to change how law enforcement and first responders view our Black sons. The sons of Houston moms are participating in the volunteer effort alongside their moms by donating items, serving others, and providing meals and refreshments to those who are helping.  As recovery efforts in Florida and Texas continue, MOBB United will continue to be there to support our moms and their sons.

By Amber E. Williams

    All eyes look to Houston, TX in the wake of Hurricane Harvey and the devastating flooding that resulted. Since last weekend, many Houstonians have held their breath as rains continued and loved ones had to evacuate or be rescued from stalled vehicles and flooding homes.  Homes, businesses, and roadways have been destroyed. Many lives have been lost. The emerging rays of the sun inspire hope in the greater Houston area that the end of the torrential rains have ended and recovery can begin. For our city of Houston, nothing will be normal for quite a while.  

    In the midst of this disaster, a caring and empathetic spirit has emerged. Neighbors are helping neighbors, families have united, and strangers are offering each other assistance. For the thousands of Houstonians who have been displaced and have lost everything, the kindness of strangers is welcomed. However, Houston MOBBs are not strangers. MOBB United leadership in Houston has reached out continuously to check on the welfare of fellow MOBBs, assessing the needs of MOBBs who have been impacted by the storm. MOBB United for Social Change (MUSC) stands in solidarity with the Houston chapter and is ready to offer support.

    MOBBs in the greater Houston area are encouraged to take advantage of aid being offered in and around the city. Helpful links include:

• Texas Workforce Commission (www.texasworkforce.org)
• EMA Disaster Relief (www.fema.gov)
• Disaster Assistance (https://www.disasterassistance.gov/)

    There already has been an outpouring of love and support from MOBBs across the nation. In the upcoming weeks, Houston MOBBs in need and their families will be connected with other MOBBs for resources and support. Recovery will take months, and MOBB United will be there every step of the way.

As a White woman, when I married a Black man 20 years ago, I promptly inherited a piece of the history of Black wives in this country: concern for my husband’s safety at the hands of law enforcement. His 6’2”, 280 lb. frame seemed to factor by inches and ounces his vulnerability to being perceived as a threat and therefore victimized. When, 2 years later, I gave birth to a Black son, I was quickly reminded of the tragic mythology of even that totem of racism. From Emmet Till and George Stinney, Jr. to Tamir Rice and Tyre King, slight boys, half my husband’s size and half his age when I married him, are subject to the same stereotype or just pretense of threat and the same consequence of extra-judicial execution.

So, as a white mother of a Black son, I also inherited a piece of the history of Black mothers in this country: a concern for the safety of my child in the presence of those pledged to protect. Maternal concern transcends spousal concern. It holds no self-interest. It mingles the tenderness of love and bonding with a proprietary protectiveness and a fearsome and ready reservoir of instinctual aggression.

Although I live a life fairly rich with diversity, I was largely alone in that formidable amalgam of maternal anxiety. White mothers could not appreciate my experience; Black mothers held a complex relationship to it. The demographics of my circles would need to narrow considerably if I were to seek out a pure commonality. Or so I thought when, in the wake of an increasingly frequent series of graphically portrayed murders of Black men and boys by police officers, including Alton Sterling and Philando Castille, at the moment when my grief and anger were peaking, something crossed my Facebook feed inviting me into a group called Mothers of Black Boys United. I clicked join and follow and almost instantly, I was in a community of over 160,000 women who understood. The frequent assertions that the group was for all mothers and primary caregivers of Black boys seemed like an undue generosity on the part of my hosts, but even that betrayed a bias on my part. In this particular Venn diagram of society, maternal identity eclipsed racial identity.

Fortunately, I was a part of this supportive community as the carnage continued with Terrence Crutcher and Alfred Olango, and we found ourselves suffering together a kind of collective PTSD. It is not for nothing that one of the pillars of this group is Promoting Self-care, that one of its committees is dedicated to Health and Wellness. But was it further fortuitous that I was a member of this group when last week’s presidential election voted in a candidate endorsed by the Ku Klux Klan? No, there was a continuous line that connected the array of dots between police brutality and the imminent Law and Order administration.

I have heard it said that when a white person has a child of color, they become a family of color. For me, it was as if an invisibility cloak of privilege had partially fallen from me, but then only when I was in the presence of my husband or children. I live a double life, marked by not fully sharing my children’s mantle of race but having an inside line on it. In this position, I began with a certain conceit that I had the opportunity to build bridges, that my privilege could be used to educate those who shared my complexion. But increasingly, in recent years, I have simply wanted to shake my fist and walk away from even some of those quite close to me. Now, post election, I cannot in good conscience shake my fist and walk away from the 60,071,650 people in this country who voted for the candidate of hate. That number, almost precisely half the voters in this election, lays stark the brutal divisions to which this populace bound together by geography is subject. It intrudes en masse upon the idealized complacency in which so many of the other 60,467,245 would like to take refuge. And we are a country that in many ways enacts the roiling of race relations for the world stage, broadcasting ideological tropes. Now we have to acknowledge and appreciate the rippling that is occurring for our children in all directions of our global community.

As mothers of Black boys, we muddle together in contradictions, admonishing our sons to be fearful enough to afford themselves a margin of safety, while simultaneously trying to instill them with pride, courage, and integrity. We seek to model and teach the morality of compassion and forgiveness, the value of intellectual inquiry and debate, while ever ready to strike out at anyone who would harm our babies, either physically or psychologically. We are more than ready – it need not even be said – to give our lives for them. This is not melodrama; this is not grandstanding; this is not the imaginary of fantasy any more than are the deaths of Michael Brown, Eric Garner, and Freddie Gray. This is as real as the mourning of mothers; as real as the mourning after the election of hatred to power. Racism need no longer hide within institutions. It is written clearly now in the halls of middle schools newly emblazoned with swastikas.

Recently, I had an opportunity to help a young, black man who was in distress, while the white people in my liberal enclave stood around regarding him with suspicion. Having made eye contact with him, I noticed a trace of panic. Ushering him inside from a storm, literally, I learned he was having difficulty breathing. After I was able to provide him with the requisite inhaler, he looked at me with gratitude and he offered me a fist bump; he offered to give me ‘dap,’ but the gesture didn’t register for me so I didn’t return it. I think I smiled and said, “You’re welcome, no problem!” Afterwards, I felt so sad. I knew he was offering me a guest pass into a community that needs its signals to acknowledge friends among enemies, allies among indifference and ignorance.

It has been said that it takes a village to raise a child, but that admirable chestnut in our current world belies a trace of respectability politics. The village has a more important task at hand than rearing good citizens in this post-election world. It takes a village to keep a black child safe, and MobbUnited is now one of the players in that village of mothers and others, of partners and allies. We are ready to influence policy. We are ready to change perception. We are ready to demonstrate our power.

By Pamela Garcia

Get Up, Get Out, and Cast Your Ballot

The events of the past 10 months have been like being caught in a riptide. You have to take a deep breath and focus to figure out the direction of a riptide before you make an attempt to get out of it. If you don’t do these things you could drown.

2020 started off in deep uncharted waters. So many of us had our vision and mission ready. We were going to conquer 2020 with everything in us. Then, Kobe Bryant and 8 other people (including his daughter) were killed when his helicopter crashed on January 26, 2020. This must have been a sign of things to come, because shortly after that the world was struck with COVID-19

COVID-19 is the deadly virus that is wreaking havoc on America with Black Americans at the greatest risk. America is currently up to 70, 000 cases daily. 1 in 920 African Americans are dying from this deadly disease. As if having to shelter in place, wear masks, and being isolated from friends and family to prevent this virus has not been enough, the President had a very lackadaisical stance on preventing the spread of the virus which may have led to more deaths due to neglect, than America should have had. In the midst of COVID-19 Breonna Taylor, Ahmaud Arbery, and George Floyd were killed by law enforcement. The most igniting of these killings was that of George Floyd. Minnesota police officer Derrek Chauvin kept his knee on Georoge Floydd’s throat for 8 minutes and 46 seconds while the world watched via social media. This led to nationwide protests on a scale that America had never experienced. Protestors were treated unfairly at times, which led to civil unrest.

In the midst of all of this our voting rights were threatened by our nation’s leaders occupying some of the highest positions in our government. Some of them have done all they can do to suppress the vote. They have spread the rhetoric that voting by mail leads to fraud and also believes no votes should be counted after election day. Let’s not allow our voices to be silenced with these antics. No matter who you vote for, voting is your legal right.

Voting is a right that African Americans fought for in this country. Many of our ancestors died in this fight so that we could make decisions about who leads the United States. They took on a great task in the face of their own fear and violence by white nationalist and law enforcement. All of that caused President Lyndon B. Johnson to sign the 1965 Voting Rights Act into law. This law made poll taxes, literacy tests, and the forcing of Blacks to recite the entire Constitution of the United States in order to be allowed to cast their votes illegal. As a people we must push through this.

Voting is not just our right, it is our responsibility. Just like our ancestors, we have to cast our ballots by any means necessary. Waiting in a long line, or walking past white nationalist as they attempt to intimidate you at the polls on election day (Tuesday, November 3, 2020) should not keep you from voting. If our ancestors did it, surely we can do it too. Focus your thoughts, study your ballot and get up, get out and cast your ballot. It is not just your right, it is your responsibility. It not only affects how you will live now, but how your children and your children's children will live once you are gone.

By Aimee Wilson and Carla Canty-Byrd

Organize, Mobilize, and Demand Change: Outraged Moms of Black Boys Rapid Response and Call Center are Ready for Action

We stand on the shoulders of our ancestors, moms who were on the frontlines of past Civil Rights movements and moms who resisted the status quo. We organize in the spirit of our righteous mentor, Fannie Lou Hamer, who infamously stated, "I am tired of being sick and tired.” We activate the principles of MOBB United for Social Change, Inc. (MUSC), which include showing our power and creating strategic partnerships. And we mobilize to stand in the gap for our sons, fighting the injustices of police brutality, and lack of accountability, fighting for justice for the lost lives and lost potential of our Black boys and men and their traumatized families and communities.

If you are "tired of being sick and tired", if another incident of police violence makes you want to holla, and if you are ready to move from talk to action, the Rapid Response team needs you. You can work as a dedicated advocacy volunteer on the Rapid Response Team and stand on the frontlines of justice in our Call Center. You also can just jump in from time to time with our published MUSC calls to action. To volunteer, please complete the volunteer form and specify that you're interested in the Rapid Response team.

To report a possible incident for Rapid Response, email us at [email protected] with available details of the excessive use of force or school-related racism, discrimination, or bullying incident.

Moms of Black Boys United, Inc., the 501c3 sister organization if MOBB United for Social Change (MUSC), needs financial resources to do the important work required to protect or sons. Please consider donating to Moms of Black Boys United, Inc. this month at mobbunited.org/donate. Also, please learn more about fundraising plans and what else you can do to help.