By CK LeDaniel

Our sons often are perceived by society and by law enforcement as hyper-masculine, violent, threatening, unemotional, hard, impervious. In fact, they sometimes are encouraged or obliged to be this way. But we moms know them better than that. We know their full range of feelings. We have dried their tears, calmed their fears, and shared their joys – at all ages. We have seen them be vulnerable and gentle and funny. Today, let’s celebrate some of their Black Boy Joy!  Let’s take pleasure in the smiles and giggles and excitement that show the world who they really are when their spirits are free to thrive.

Please enjoy these photos!

By Tiffany Bargeman

     Do you ever wonder what it's like for Black sons living abroad? Do you ask yourself questions like:

• Would the police see my son as a threat in Germany?
• How would regular folks in Russia perceive my son?
• Would I be afraid to let my son go hang out at a mall in Sweden with his friends?
• Would my son get pulled over by the police as often if he lived in Colombia?
• Would I fear for his life the entire time he’s outside of the house if he lived in Taiwan?
• If my son were walking home with friends after playing basketball in Peru, would he be stopped by police and become a hashtag?
• Do other MOBBs think like me because I have been told I'm an overthinker, sooo...

     Well, I've asked myself questions like this. And I've imagined that surely, when it comes to police brutality and the fear that moms have for our Black sons here in America, it cannot be as bad anywhere else. Of course, things are better for Black men and boys elsewhere; or are they?

     I've had fleeting thoughts kind of hoping that my own son, who is almost 20 years old, will come to me one day with the big announcement that he'd like to leave the country. I imagine myself screaming in delight and relief, “Yes, Greg! Go! Be free! Fly away, son!”

     But wait.

     Would he be free? Would he be safer? Would I worry as much about him encountering the police and it going wrong, so terribly wrong? The more I think about it, the more I'm not sure.

     I've seen many posts in MOBB United’s private Facebook group by moms who say their sons are living abroad for various reasons, either with them or without them. Plus, I have a friend, Caneisha Berry (pronounced kuh-nē-shuh), also a mom, who lives in Beijing, China with her husband, Andre (a teacher at Beijing City International School [BCIS]); their daughter, Brianna, 13; and 15-year-old son, Bryson. I caught up with them while they were in the states this summer, just before they were to return to China, and took advantage of the opportunity to interview both mom and son, because I'VE GOT QUESTIONS.

      They graciously accepted my request for interviews. Listen to Caneisha describe her feelings about the difference of raising her son and daughter outside of America, as we sat with our daughters and her daughter's friend in a local Wendy’s restaurant (Brianna chimes in to answer a very interesting question). Then listen to Bryson's personal perspective on his experience as a Black son living abroad. He conferenced with me from his grandma's house in Ahoskie, NC. Bless his heart. Their interviews were eye opening.

     But wait.

     All countries are different right? And all families are different. And all Black sons are different. So their experiences must be different, and I think they are worth exploring. I've only just begun with Bryson in China. I've also seen moms’ Facebook posts about their sons in Italy, Spain, Japan, Australia, Canada, Dominican Republic, France, and other countries.

     I’m going abroad -- well, virtually -- with my questions over the next several months, bloggin’. Stay tuned for more in this series, Black Sons Abroad.

*Caneisha Berry is an International Relationship Life Coach within her own business, Berry Thoughtful Life Coaching.*

If you'd like to participate in this series, please send an email to [email protected] with the subject line “Black Sons Abroad Series”. Be sure to make this email address a safe sender so the spam box doesn't come between us! Then, please be on the lookout for a reply.

By CK LeDaniel

     MOBB United moms are celebrating our scholars as they return to school this Fall. From Kindergarten to College, we are so proud of our Black boys! We know they face the challenges of the school-to-prison-pipeline that other boys don’t face, but they are succeeding, and we are behind them all the way. We have their backs!

Please enjoy these photos!

By C.K. LeDaniel

     MOBB United moms know that our sons often have to work twice as hard and be twice as good to achieve the recognition and successes afforded to their white counterparts. From Pre-K to Post-Grad, please enjoy the photos of our graduating sons. Let's offer our hearty congratulations to these boys and men and to the moms who have been behind them all the way.

Cue the Pomp and Circumstance!

By C.K. LeDaniel

     I am the 56-year-old White mom of a Black boy. I can claim many other identities, as can my son, but bear with me for a moment. This is the identity that situates me, in a particular way, in an elementary school in Queens, New York, in the 1960s. That was back when Brown versus the Board of Education was being enforced, and it resulted in Black children being bused into my White neighborhood school. Once disembarked from their buses, however, the Black children were strictly separated from the White children into different classrooms by what was obviously arbitrary tracking. We were also separated at midday, when the Black children were sent to the basement cafeteria for hot lunch and the White children ate their bagged lunches brought from home in the auditorium. This internal, racial segregation was carried out even as we fulfilled the classroom assignment of making posters in honor of Martin Luther King, Jr.’s death: lots and lots of childishly drawn, differently hued handshakes with block lettering that read, “I HAVE A DREAM…” One day, some friends and I got the idea that we would ‘integrate’ by asking our unwitting parents to request hot lunch for us. We all sat together in the cafeteria -- integrated -- for a single lunch period before the administration caught on and prohibited the White children from ever purchasing hot lunch again. Children are finely attuned to injustice and hypocrisy; my friends and I were indignant, but also, we were defeated. As a psychotherapist now, I have to speculate that this may be one of the seminal stories of my interracial marriage years later. Just don’t ever try to tell an 8-year old girl she can’t do something unless you really want her to do it.

     I am sharing this story here now because, in 2017, integration is still a controversial, or at minimum, an ever-evolving concept in social justice movements. We see this clearly in recent criticisms of ‘White Feminism’ and ‘Pride and Privilege’ and in discussions of ‘Intersectionality,’ the term coined by civil rights advocate Kimberle Williams Crenshaw. In Michelle Alexander’s book, The New Jim Crow (our first MOBB United Book Club pick), she tells us that historically, alliances between Blacks and Whites have been experienced as so deeply threatening to the ruling class, that White Supremacy, Jim Crow, and Mass Incarceration have been in great degree responses designed to drive wedges into these alliances. While Alexander insists that racial alliances are essential to the success of efforts to eradicate not only the new Jim Crow but any next Jim Crow, she actually goes much further. She takes a cue from the latter work of MLK, insisting that traditional civil rights organizations must move on from the temptation of seeking only top-down judicial and legislative wins, wins that pave avenues of success for Black exceptionalism within existing economic structures. Alexander says that such organizations must also mobilize grass roots movements that include “all of us or none,” underscoring the necessity of embracing the many intersections of race and class, and yes, caste. She says, in fact, with no holds barred, that social justice advocates must “adapt or die.”

     Founded a year ago in what I will call the summer of our sadness, as we reeled and grieved in the wake of the deaths of Alton Sterling and Philando Castile, MOBB United’s rapid-fire growth took its founder, Depelsha McGruder, by surprise. She established a Facebook group to which she modestly invited 30 friends, seeking solace and solidarity. It exploded in days to 30,000, expanding exponentially to the almost 200,000 and growing that it is today. But like all ‘spontaneous’ movements, historical forces had set the stage for its creation, and I would suggest that its increasing emergence as a formidable force for change is in part due to its embodiment of much of Alexander’s projected formula for a successful social justice organization.

     MOBB United does, in fact, combine top-down and bottom-up activism. There is an ongoing flow and exchange between the two that continues to shape our identity. I was one of those early members possessed by the site and its voluminous postings, and I was a witness to the crystallization of leadership around Depelsha, which developed from the drive of volunteers, previously unknown to each other, raising their virtual hands in virtual space. I watched as committees and subcommittees sprang from posts that identified needs. And while the big picture thinkers, the laypeople and professionals of all stripes, emerged to harness the energy and hone the message of this massive group, that energy remains its high-spirited, grassroots backbone.

     As Facebook group members across the globe, we are there for each other’s trials and triumphs, for emotional and practical support, and we are there for each other’s sons in concrete ways. Moms send their well wishes and prayers to sons who are ill, as well as their condolences to moms in mourning. Moms can reach out to the Health and Wellness Committee and the Sub-committee for Moms of Sons with Special Needs. The MOBB United Connections program connects MOBB sons to families in other states when they have traveled to attend college. MOBB United Outreach has connected personally with and provided support to the families of those who have been victimized by law enforcement. While the Policy Committee researches and sets policy initiatives, inviting suggestions and volunteers, the Call Center rallies the membership to action on those initiatives that have been established. As a group, we have lobbied and advocated for raising the age of criminal responsibility and for bail and prison reform. We also have made calls to police chiefs, prosecutors, mayors, and community boards, urging action against incidents of police brutality. By the way, it’s pretty gratifying when the person on the other end of the line says, “MOBB United? Oh, we’ve gotten a lot of calls from your group.”

     In addition to this maintenance of a top-down and bottom-up approach, we also have empowered ourselves by embracing the intersectional identities of the moms of Black boys and of those Black boys themselves. MOBB United could have identified itself as a group for Black moms of Black boys, and it would have been above reproach for doing so. It also could have narrowed itself by highlighting any number of adjectives before the words moms or Black boys, explicitly or implicitly, but it chose not to do so. The only narrowing is in the name itself; there are no other modifiers.

     On its Facebook homepage, MOBB United defines itself as “an inclusive and safe space [for] all moms, regardless of their race, religion, sexual orientation, gender origination, marital status or anything else.” I love that “anything else"! But while we are always bound together as moms – or primary caretakers – of Black boys and men, we go further and welcome all by extending membership to anyone committed to our cause with MOBB United for Social Change and Mobbunited.org. In this way, we cross those critical lines of class and race and further intersect them with a multiplicity of other identities.

     Finally, while recognizing the importance of changing negative perceptions of Black boys and men, something Alexander also notes as crucial to change, we claim as our own as well those who are caught up in the snare of mass incarceration. Yes, we post with pride beautiful pictures of our sons’ successes. Moms proclaim the achievements of their scholars and artists, their soldiers and world travelers, their businessmen, scientists, doctors, lawyers and engineers. We like an endless picture parade of our tuxedoed young men in their prom photos, and of graduates in caps and gowns from pre-k to post grad. We share portraits of our sons as loving and caring family men, fathers, brothers, and uncles. But we are not focused exclusively on success. We recognize the particular vulnerability of our sons to the school-to-prison pipeline, and we do not eschew those who are caught up in it. We recognize the unique concerns of our sons on the spectrum or those with mental illness vis a vis law enforcement. Also, we reach out to moms of incarcerated sons and to those sons themselves. It has been one of my greatest pleasures to write and send books to some of those young men along with hundreds of other moms and then to get feedback via posts that their sons are moved and gratified by the overwhelming support of strangers. This is truly an all of us or none of us community.

     As Alexander outlines her vision and posits her challenge to social justice groups, one can discern some cynicism in her words, a hint of hopelessness that movements ever will truly embrace the disenfranchised, or all of our intersectional identities, or the necessity of lawsuits and legislation along with grassroots advocacy. Surely the dismantling of economic structures and the sacrifice of what she calls the racial bribes that divide us and hold us back are ambitious and perhaps not within our scope as yet, but we have already begun by including all of us and all of our sons. And just don’t ever try to tell the mom of a Black boy she can’t do something unless you really want her to do it.

By Tiffany Bargeman

          The priceless relationship between a father and his children is to be honored and cherished. Fathers provide strength, safety, and stability; they have special bonds with their sons and daughters.

          The perception that most Black men don't step up to the responsibilities of fatherhood must be changed. It's just one more wrong generalization that leads people to devalue our sons’ lives. The term “baby daddy”, which originally had negative connotations, has been used so often to mock Black fathers that it has been adopted as a mainstream reference. It still carries a stigma. Let's get back to using the word FATHER when referring to our sons with children. The word FATHER implies not only strength, safety, and stability, but LOVE. Our sons love their children. Our sons deserve to live long and prosperous lives, and to LOVE and raise their children to do the same. They have the right to leave their legacies -- including beauty, talent, and values -- on this Earth as much as any other man. As one of our five platforms, MOBB United works hard to change perception of Black boys and men so they can thrive. As mothers, grandmothers and “aunties”, nothing is more precious than seeing our sons being fathers to their children.

          Let's acknowledge and celebrate them and the love they have for their children. We requested pictures of your sons with their children via the MOBB United Facebook group page. Thank you for sharing that #blackboyjoy with us! Please enjoy this beautiful compilation of pics of our sons with their children. This is just one of several image campaigns; check out #protectthem and #sayhisname images as well. Then please read this thought provoking piece on victims of Law enforcement violence and harassment and decide how you can be part of the solution.

We hope our sons had an awesome father's Day!

By Vanessa McCullers

          Wow! I can’t believe it’s been a whole year since we first connected on Facebook! This has been a bittersweet journey that started when Depelsha McGruder decided to create a space for her friends to share concerns and fears. During that time, it has also become a place for us to celebrate our Black boys! We’ve lost more Black boys and men at the hands of law enforcement and have also made great strides to #ProtectThem. One thing that we learned about ourselves along the way is that WE ARE WOKE!

          Kicking off with the Essence Festival, MOBB United will commemorate our 1st anniversary from June 30 - September 30. We’re starting off with a MOBB United booth at Essence Festival June 30 - July 2. If you happen to be there, join us!

           The theme for our anniversary is #WokeMom, and during that time, we’ll encourage moms to join us on the front lines by hosting Woke Mom Meetups in several cities across the country, including: Brooklyn, NY; Staten Island, NY; Nashville, TN; St. Louis, MO;  Atlanta, GA; Chicago, IL; Boston, MA; Baton Rouge, LA; Philadelphia, PA; Dallas, TX; Houston, TX; San Antonio, TX; San Diego, CA; and Los Angeles, CA.

          These Woke Mom Meetups will give new members, and soon-to-be members, a chance to learn more about how they can advocate on behalf of our sons and become voices of change.

          For our anniversary commemoration, we have launched a Woke Mom product line in the MOBB United store. These Woke Mom themed items will make a fashionable statement at any summer gathering and beyond!

          If you haven’t done it yet, now is the time to WAKE UP and join us on the front line by becoming a registered member of MOBB United!

Survival Tips for my Son

By Kara Higgins

     My son, Ezekiel, is never without a book in hand and a backpack full of reading on-the-go. As the youngest of five, he probably got read aloud to a little longer and a little more often than his siblings, with me not quite ready to let go of that sweet stage of snuggles and bedtime stories. So, it was no surprise when he was reading early and often. His descriptive storytelling, broad interests, and vast vocabulary are encouraging and impressive.

     Yet my avid reader is not in the talented and gifted program at his school, and he has never been screened. English is his second language, and he despises numbers (like his mama!). However, as a 4th grader, he reads at a 9th grade level, and his standardized test scores are well above average. Although I should know, I did not realize until recently that children across all state lines undergo IQ tests and gifted screenings at the teacher or parent request.  Shame on me! 

     Our student population nationwide has become increasingly diverse. However, African-American students are ⅓ less likely to be enrolled in any talented or gifted program in public or private sectors. There is an overrepresentation of White and Asian students in gifted and talented programs, while Black and Hispanic students are typically underrepresented. However, research does not support the notion that any one group is more intelligent than another (Renzulli, 2004). So how does this make sense?

     Students from underserved populations, of all races, may not exhibit characteristics that are stereotypically “gifted”. Some gifted individuals with exceptional aptitude may not demonstrate outstanding levels of achievement due to environmental circumstances, such as limited opportunities to learn as a result of poverty, discrimination, or cultural barriers. Other obstacles include physical barriers, emotional challenges or behaviors resulting directly from outside stressors. Hence, school faculty and administrators may overlook the child's aptitude and high ability learning because of these other factors.  Moreover, with ample evidence that our Black sons are often over-targeted as disciplinary problems from a very young age, it’s easy to assume that their gifts are therefore being overlooked.

     Brown vs the Board of Education was a step in formally attempting, as a nation, to achieve educational equality. The reality is still quite different; and we all know equality does not always equate with quality. No Child Left Behind (NCLB), a Congressional Act of 2001 that attempted to keep lower level learners from falling through the cracks, is a good example of equality, but not quality, impacting the children who are exceptional learners. Since NCLB, many teachers are forced to more or less ignore gifted children, instead teaching to a one-size-fits-all curriculum that caters to the lowest common denominator—the average classroom student—with the thought being that our gifted students don't need the extra work or attention. We as moms all know very well that the ignored or forgotten child often resorts to behavior and actions that will draw attention, whether good or bad.

     What can be done? Like anything else, knowing is half the battle. Be an advocate for our Black sons and for all kids who are more likely to get missed. Know that you can request for your son to be screened. Show up to all the parent-teacher conferences, no matter how much your son may be excelling. Bring this up in conversations with other parents and ask your child's teacher if she knows the statistics.

     Following are a few resources for further empowerment:

• Supporting Emotional Needs for the Gifted: Provides resources and support for families and students.
• Acceleration Institute: Dedicated to research and curriculum that supports gifted students.
• Parenting Gifted Kids: This blog is written by a fellow mom and covers information for several ages and stages of childhood.
• Unfortunately, a literature review revealed very little specific support or information for families or children of color. The National Association of Gifted Learners does have a web series written by a black student, regarding advocacy and experiences in academics. Check out this great blog post.

     For more resources, contact our Education and Engagement Committee Lead, Kumari Ghafoor-Davis, at [email protected].

By Kumari Ghafoor-Davis, MSW

     Hello, Moms of Black Boys United beauties! Happy April! Spring is finally here.

     Our Education and Engagement Committee has been working towards keeping moms engaged through our monthly Facebook live readings and our MOBB United Book Club posts:

• January’s live reading was with Derrick Barnes and his illustrated book, Crown, about the feeling a young boy gets from his trip to the barbershop for a fresh haircut.
• February’s live reading was with Javaka Steptoe and his book, Radiant Child, a beautifully illustrated story on the life of young artist, Jean-Michel Basquiat (additional info).
• March’s live reading was with Dr. Irene Okoronkwo-Obika and her book, Chisom the Champ Meets the World, which teaches children that self love is key to overcoming bullies and interpersonal obstacles.
•  On April 22 at 7 p.m., we'll host our next Facebook live reading with Corey Richardson and his ebook, We Used to Have Money, Now We Have You: A Dad’s Bedtime Story. This story from a dad’s perspective uses wit and pragmatism to remind children that a parent’s love is infinite, but patience and finances are not.

     MOBB United Book Club’s latest selection, Between The World and Me, by Ta-Nehisi Coates, has generated great discussions over the past few months (January 6, January 15, January 23, March 5). The Book Club’s posts sparked conversations around how our boys’ black bodies are viewed through the lenses of others; how race is the child of racism and not the father; and how being “White” is a made-up social construct. We hope that you will stay tuned for our next book, which we will announce soon. Please feel free to comment on the posts from this fascinating book described as a “letter from a father to his son”. You can search for posts using the hashtag, #mobbunitedbookclub.

     MOBB United also has partnered with the National Organization of Black Law Enforcement Executives (NOBLE) to offer workshops, conferences, and/or forums with lawmakers, parents, and their children in cities across the country. Retired and active duty Black law enforcement officers will talk with participants about how we can work together to keep our communities safe and how law enforcement can become more involved in keeping our children alive in their jurisdictions. They have connections to police chiefs and those in command all over the country, so please join us in this fight to keep our sons safe. We are really excited to get these workshops scheduled between April and June of this year and we need your help to get these informative interactive forums scheduled.

     Looking for a great way to reward your son for a fantastic school year? Give him the gift of inspiration by sending him to the “From the Fire” Leadership Academy. If you are interested in hosting a forum or workshop in your city, please connect with me at [email protected] .

     Have an awesome month!

*The aforementioned book club posts were shared originally in the Moms of Black Boys United, Inc. private Facebook group, and Education and Engagement Committee Lead Kumari Ghafoor-Davis gave us permission to share them.
If you are a mom of a Black son and member of that group, you can read and/or respond in the comments by clicking the links.

By Vanessa McCullers

     I sat in a Black SUV along with four others I had never met before. We got to know each other on the ride over to the peace walk/peace talk, and by the time we were there, we had formed our pack. It was hard to believe I had just landed in Miami, Florida, just 3 hours earlier. Though the excitement in the air was intoxicating, my mind was elsewhere as I thought about missing our second MOBB United National Call of the year. The energy of the crowd, those who knew and loved Trayvon Martin and those who came to know of him after his death, was ripe with anticipation. I tried to share what I felt, but I’m not sure it could truly be captured adequately. Today was the day we would celebrate Trayvon!

Wearing t-shirts bearing Trayvon’s face, we began to move up the street with his mom, Sybrina Fulton, with Tracey Martin leading the way. “No justice, no peace! No justice, no peace!” I marched along with the young lady with whom I had ridden to the walk. We’d never met before today, but we were connected in our mission for that day. We had both been impacted by the death of Trayvon. Trayvon would have been 23 yrs old on February 5th, just 2 years older than my son, had he lived.

A sea of red shirts pushed through the streets of Miami asking for change, not just in that community, but in the country. The tone turned from somber to celebratory as we all filed into the neighborhood park. Esteemed sororities and fraternities called out to each other while community leaders and youth organizations prepared to pay their respects and share a message of hope for the future. From local officials to interns, school drama clubs and entertainment celebrities, everyone had a positive sentiment.  Even the 5th grader who brought everyone to tears when he delivered a poem about losing and missing his best friend to gun violence prayed for a better tomorrow.

Music piped through the amphitheater, driving police and citizens to move in harmony. And while everyone was grooving to the sounds, a familiar voice came through the speakers, filing our ears and driving everyone into a frenzy. Jay-Z surprised everyone by making an appearance! Along with Trayvon’s parents, he shared that the world would get a glimpse into Trayvon’s life with the upcoming Rest in Power documentary. Sybrina Fulton closed out the beautiful day sending a message to everyone that she was here to not only commemorate Trayvon’s life, but to fight for future children. Her words rang heavily in my ears as we left the park that day.

The next day, MOBB United Founder, Depelsha McGruder, and I, gathered for an evening of remembrance. As we entered the expansive hall, pictures of Trayvon were everywhere. Images of every kind greeted us: an image of Trayvon made up of  dozens of pictures of men and women donning hoodies like he did, and another image of Trayvon wearing a crown—beautiful reminders of the promise of life that is now gone. Dinner was accompanied by a video montage of Trayvon, stories from loved ones, and promises from local officials who continue to seek change for their communities.

Throughout the evening, we met other moms who had lost their sons, like Sybrina. Their stories we had only heard in the news, and now we were face to face with the women that loved them most, their moms. As Depelsha and I retired for the night, the gravity of our experience was overwhelming. With unspoken words, it was understood that our commitment to MOBB United was forever.

     Please share some of the experience with us through these videos (Video 1 and Video 2) and photos below.

By Kimberley Alexander

     Moms of Black Boys United aims to be a resource for Moms everywhere. This month, we'd like to bring awareness to our boys with Autism. We've created an online toolkit with autism specific resources and tips, not just for Moms with autistic sons but for everyone.

     In addition, Moms of Black Boys United, Inc. brings members of the private Facebook group a speaker series from MOBBs across the country sharing their journey raising their Black boys. No stories are alike as we delve into the joys and pains of being a parent of a child with Autism throughout the month. Whether you're a parent, a loved one, caregiver or just a curious mom, this conversation is for you.

By Depelsha McGruder

The morning after Alton Sterling was killed, I went to wake my son  for work and found him sitting up in bed. His first words to me was "Mom did you see how they just killed that man?" I was too stunned to respond. The very next morning we found out that Philando Castile was killed. No words needed to be said. The words were on my son's face. He was scared, and so was I. But as his mother, my only thought was that I MUST PROTECT HIM. As I type this, with tears streaming down my face at the memory, my determination is just as strong. I cannot sleep soundly until I know that my son, Crys’ son, Vivian's son, Tasha's son, Depelsha's sons, ALL OF OUR SONS are safe from the ones sworn to protect them.”

     Where does she get the energy?! Vanessa McCullers has been going all out for MOBB United since July 2016, and she seems to be as fully charged as the Energizer Bunny. We know her passion is fueled by her love for her SONshine, Carlos. If you’re wondering what Vanessa does for MOBB United, the answer is well...everything!!!

     Vanessa initially began as Co-Chair of the Communications Committee and shortly thereafter, became Chair. She now oversees all of Moms of Black Boys United’s (the 501c3 organization) activities, including Communications, Education and Engagement, Self Care, and the MOBB United Connections Program.

     This means she manages a team of leaders and volunteers who handle everything from branding, marketing and PR, content development across platforms, social media strategy and execution, media outreach and op-eds, research studies, education and wellness programs, partnerships, and events.

     Vanessa was instrumental in planning the first MOBB United Leadership Retreat in Bethany, PA, and in establishing our presence at the world renowned Essence Festival in New Orleans last year. She’s also brokered significant partnerships, including a partnership with Dr. Luke Wood of San Diego State University, on the “Black Minds Matter” virtual course. In addition, she has personally provided ongoing resources and support to moms who have lost sons to police violence.

     Most recently, Vanessa raised her voice as a featured speaker at the Women’s March in San Diego and by penning a powerful op-ed in response to H&M’s misstep in having a young Black male model wear a “Coolest Monkey in the Jungle” sweatshirt.

     A few more specifics of Vanessa's tireless contributions to MOBB United as Communications Committee Chair include:

• Branding MOBB United to ensure uniformity and consistency in design and language across social media platforms, designs, etc.
• Managing a team of volunteers who write web content for www.mobbunited.com and disseminate mission-critical info via MOBB United's social media platforms
• Facilitating regular Communications Team meetings
• Planning and executing press releases
• Putting MOBB United's mission on the agenda of local and national events
• Participating in MOBB United outreach, visiting victims’ widows and families
• And so much more.

     Vanessa has a heart of gold and a battery that never seems to run out. Her mind and heart are constantly churning out new ideas of ways to build and grow the organization’s presence and impact. We honestly don’t know what we’d do without her, and we are so grateful for all of her contributions. Thanks, Vanessa!!!

By Tiffany Bargeman

     For the second year, Moms of Black Boys United, Inc. was out and about with our sons on Martin Luther King, Jr. Day of Service and Remembrance, January 15th. The goal was to give back to those in need while honoring Dr. King’s legacy, and changing negative perceptions of our Black boys and men. Please enjoy these pictures of MOBB United moms and their sons doing what matters.

“Life’s most persistent and urgent question is, ‘What are you doing for others?’”
~ Martin Luther King, Jr.~

Lisa Spriggs: “Monday January 15, 2018 is the Dr. Martin Luther King Jr Holiday, which for some means a "Day Off" from school or work but for many others it is a "DAY ON" for service.  We are here to change the perception of our young boys and men and want the world to see them doing great things! What do you have planned for the weekend and/or Monday?  Share your plans and see if other MOBBs in the area will join you! Tag a friend!” Points of Light

Depelsha McGruder: “Photos from the Brooklyn Day of Service Activity on January 20, 2018”

Peggy Bruns: “In keeping with the vision of Martin Luther King Jr. we served at the City of Arlington Mission, where we unloaded, unboxed, sorted, reboxed and reloaded a truck of toys for their Christmas Store. Thanks for coming out Rhonda Tharpe, Kim Stockman, and Tiffanie Tinsley! ‘Life’s most persistent and urgent question is, What are you doing for others?’ ‘Everybody can be great as anybody can serve!’ MLK Jr.” (Dallas/Fort Worth MLK Day of Service)

Frankie Robertson: “Baton Rouge area MOBBs, Please join us Saturday from 8am-12pm. Sons are welcome. Register following the links in the invite and indicate you are with MOBB. See you Saturday! #MLK #Service” Louisiana MOBB United MLK Day of Service

Kimberley Alexander: “Today I visited the Lorraine Motel. Now a museum, it is the place where Martin Luther King Jr. was murdered. I was there for 4+ hours reading, touching, talking and witnessing the evolution of the Black struggle. If there were one sentence I could use to summarize my thoughts: FIND YOUR PURPOSE! Each of us owes it for every sacrifice, for every martyr, for every scar, for every right we have obtained on the backs of those who set aside fear and stood tall when death was almost certain. In 2018, we owe it to our SUNS! Join us on the frontline...www.mobbunited.org. Remember the dream!”

ByKathei McCoy

     One of the initiatives of the MOBB United Connections Committee is the Aunties Program. The Aunties Program connects sons who are away from home at school, work, or in the military, with moms across the country. This program provides a village for our sons that ensures that they have their basic needs met, provides them with support from an adult who is nearby, and reassures their moms that their sons are doing well while away.

Mom Teri Silar (top left, bottom middle), son Jahmansa (top right), and Auntie Harnette (top middle)

Mom Teri Silar (top left), Auntie Kathei (second from left), son Jahmansa, and Auntie Deirdra (right)

     I have the privilege of being one of the MOBB United Aunties to a young man named Jahmansa, who attends Seattle University. Jahmansa’s mother, Terri Silar, was instantly concerned when her son decided to attend Seattle University because they live thousands of miles away in Tampa, Florida, and she didn't know anyone in Seattle. In fact, she'd never visited the city. Teri didn't have a soror, a colleague, a friend, a relative or anyone she could entrust with checking in on her son from time to time.

     She was invited to join MOBB United, and according to Teri, it turned out to be the best invitation she'd ever received. She submitted a post in the MOBB United private Facebook group to share the success of her son being accepted into Seattle University and the fact that she was a nervous wreck that he would be that far away from home all alone.

     After her post, she was contacted by several women, including myself, from within the group, who assured her he would be taken care of. Teri was in shock! Before she knew it, women were asking for phone numbers and arrival dates. “These Aunties have been true to their words. They have fed him, taken him to the store, and mothered him in ways only MOBBs can,” said Teri. She went on to say, “They have shown me and my son how wonderful people can truly be. My son loves them so very much and often thanks me for my desperation in sharing his story. He said to me, ‘Mommy, these beautiful women are a part of my village.” Teri can sleep at night, not worrying about her son being in Seattle, as he's not alone and hasn't been since he first arrived.

     “This MOBB connection has been the experience of a lifetime. I'm a better mom, and he's a humble and better son because of it. He's not just my son, he's theirs, too!” Teri shared. This is exactly what the MOBB United Aunties Program set out to do.

By Kumari Ghafoor-Davis

Happy February, beauties! The Education and Engagement Committee has started reading another book, Between The World and Me, by Ta-Nehisi Coates. We have had three posts so far this month. If you haven’t already, hopefully you will begin reading the book with us and join in the discussion on Facebook by searching #mobbunitedbookclub on your MOBB United Facebook group search bar.

We will also be holding another Facebook Live reading that will take place on February 25th at 7pm with the author of Radiant Child: The Story of Young Artist Jean-Michel Basquiat, by Javaka Steptoe. Jean-Michel Basquiat and his unique, collage-style paintings rocketed to fame in the 1980s as a cultural phenomenon unlike anything the art world had ever seen. But before that, he was a little boy who saw art everywhere: in poetry books and museums, in games, in the words that we speak, and in the pulsing energy of New York City. Award-winning illustrator Javaka Steptoe’s vivid text and bold artwork that echoes Basquiat’s own, introduce young readers to the powerful message that art doesn’t always have to be neat or clean—and definitely not inside the lines—to be beautiful. We will have giveaways for the first ladies who log on to the live reading that evening. This will be the second Facebook Live reading; our first live reading was in December from Derrick Barnes, the author of Crown.

Between The World and Me, by Ta-Nehisi Coates

*The following posts were shared originally in the Moms of Black Boys United, Inc. private Facebook group, and Education and Engagement Committee Lead Kumari Ghafoor-Davis gave us permission to share it publicly. If you are a mom of a Black son and member of that group, you can read and/or respond in the comments by clicking the linked dates.

January 6, 2017
“Happy New Year, Beauties! It's that time again for another book club read!!
We are so excited about our choice for the next MOBB United book club read, Ta-Nehisi Coates’ Between the World and Me. We will begin reading on January 8th and will post our first question about the book on January 15th.
Coates is a national correspondent for The Atlantic, where he writes about culture, politics, and social issues. He is the author of The Beautiful Struggle, Between the World and Me, and the new book We Were Eight Years in Power.
In a profound work that pivots from the biggest questions about American history and ideals to the most intimate concerns of a father for his son, Coates offers a powerful new framework for understanding our nation's history and current crisis. Americans have built an empire on the idea of "race," a falsehood that damages us all but falls most heavily on the bodies of black women and men—bodies exploited through slavery and segregation, and, today, threatened, locked up, and murdered out of all proportion.
Between the World and Me is Coates' attempt to address these questions and concerns in a letter to his adolescent son.
Coates has been hailed by Toni Morrison as "required reading”, a bold and personal literary exploration of America's racial history by "the single best writer on the subject of race in the United States" (The New York Observer).
Order your copy of Between the World and Me today, so we can start discussing this awesome book together.
Thank you ladies.
MOBB United Book Club”

January 23, 2017
“Welcome to the second post for our current #mobbunitedbookclub choice, Between the World and Me, by TaNehisi Coates. One question that comes up for me as I read is, if so many people feel that the reality of race is a natural fact and inevitably leads to racism, how can we begin to heal this misconception within our own communities where we also have racism and hatred among and for ourselves? Please share your thoughts and your own questions with us in comments below.”

POET BIOGRAPHY: Jamie Hoffman is an adjunct English instructor at a community college in North Carolina and a middle school English teacher. She devotes majority of her time to her loving family, her church, and her writing. Her poetry is socially conscious, and it shows a keen sense of cultural awareness. She has published many of her poems on her personal blogs. In addition, she published her first young adult novel this year, titled Finding Fatima. The novel depicts Fatima's struggle to find her place in the world amid inequalities, bullies, and her own insecurities. The book is available on Amazon and as an E-reader on Kindle Fire.

The Legacy of America

By Kara L. Higgins

     My first Cabbage Patch doll was a little boy with dark, chocolate skin, and the first boy I kissed was a sweet, nerdy Black kid. My folks were both in education, voted Democrat, and believed that their actions spoke louder than words. I was the blue-eyed, blonde-haired, middle class teachers’ kid living in the suburban midwest; I think I must have fallen into that category of white people who think they aren’t racist because they have Black baby dolls and boyfriends. Writing that makes it cringeworthy, but I know that there are countless white people in the world who fall into that same category, believing themselves to be woke, yet practicing systemic racism or arguing for “color-blindness”.

     In college, I always preferred to sit with the girls in my nursing class who were African-American. I loved their transparency, and I could relate to their general skepticism toward most of our classmates. We were in a private, Jesuit University where many of the kids attending were there because their parents were alums. I was on a full scholarship, and I couldn’t relate to the other white girls who got excited about the newest J. Crew catalog and the next frat party. The African-American nursing students’ expressions glazed over, just like mine, when the conversation turned to cotillions or couture.

     Although my classmates always included me, although they saw me through some milestones, there always was this unspoken barrier. No matter how much listening I did, and I did a lot more listening than talking, I still couldn’t quite fit in. I know now, 20 plus years later, that of course, I could never fully connect on a heart level. They were inner city girls from St. Louis, and I was the white girl. Maybe their first token white friend? It always made me sad that none of them came to my wedding, even my dear friend whom I had asked to read a scripture. I understand now that it must have been uncomfortable for them, and that our friendship wasn't as equally special as I believed that it was at the time. Yet even as a bright-eyed 22-year-old, I think I was aware then that there was still an invisible line keeping us from being true blue friends.

     Fast forward 20 years, and I am mothering five kids. Two of my amazing children happen to be differing shades of Black. And as my sweet boys are turning into young men, America is killing its Black boys. Trayvon Martin’s case was the first to scare me. Initially, I didn’t recognize my own emotions; I believed I was relating to Trayvon’s mom as one mom to another. Then Eric Garner died, and as my husband and I watched in horror, I started to notice that a lot of people around us weren’t watching. The protests in Ferguson had both of us up late at night, talking about it together because the people, the white people, around us just sort of tuned us out when we wanted to talk about the horror of these deaths. I know that we both felt like the world was upturned. I know we felt betrayed that so many people didn’t seem to care about these senseless deaths. We began to realize that what was changing was us, not the world. My hubby began following Black artists, politicians, and media on Twitter. I began unfriending a lot of middle aged “Evangelicals.” Things were shifting.

     Then, Philando Castile died. That was it. I was almost unable to function because of my grief and anger. I typed #blm and that unleashed the hate. Men in our church reprimanded me; one even using intimidation and threats. We were increasingly convinced that this racism was our problem too, not just because we were raising Black boys but because we are all in this together. But it sure seemed like we were alone as white people feeling this way.

     In our community, a church hosted a prayer event, inviting multiple churches, faith-based organizations, and even law enforcement. Our whole family attended that night, and as we held hands and prayed for justice, one pastor challenged us to exchange phone numbers and share a meal with someone we had met that night. My little prayer group within the event was an ideal melting pot: our mixed transracial family, a Latino family, and a Black family. The Black woman, Candi, and I immediately took charge of the challenge and planned for a picnic the next month. Amazingly, everyone in our prayer circle showed up for that first dinner. We spoke honestly about what was going on in America, and our common thread was that we all were desiring to approach the issue of race as a sin problem. Our common thread was that we saw each other as family. And that changed everything.

     Shortly after our first picnic, my family decided to host a dinner for our prayer group. However, the momentum had seemed to fizzle out, and our group dwindled down to the Black family and us. Again, we broke bread together, and our conversation was real. I won’t ever forget when Candi told me that her whole married life, she never let her husband go run out for milk after dark because she feared he could be pulled over and killed. That was pivotal. Her whole life, she had a fear that I was now experiencing. It was new and overwhelming to me, and here my friend was sharing with me that that same fear was the norm for her. We grieved over that. I needed to tell her I was sorry that I never knew the depths of racism in America. It was important for all of us that we could apologize, even though my husband and I were never directly racist, we were a part of a system of oppression, and our ignorance to it was permission for it to flourish. Candi and her husband were gracious toward us and continue to be. Their honesty and willingness to be real and vulnerable paved the way toward a genuine friendship. My heart and my convictions grew that night in my dining room.

     After that dinner, Candi and I started talking mom stuff more. I deliver babies and take care of mamas for a living, and she needed some insight on both. Candi gave me a chance to be her real friend. I know that in her life, she has had experiences that have made her cautious to tell her relatives when she has white friends. I respect that, and I know I can’t ever understand it. It matters even more to me than it could have when I was in college, trying to fit in with my classmates. We continued to talk and text and share meals. After her son was born, I was able to care for and love her when other women didn’t “get it.” Now, we have a standing pedicure date every 6 weeks. The first time we went together, the ladies awkwardly asked us how we became friends, and I laughed at their attempt to be politically correct. “Do you mean because she’s Black and I am White? Or because she is younger and I am older? We actually prayed together once...” In the end, I think we both agreed it was a God thing that connected us.

By Lisa Spriggs and Alycia Grace

Chapter Development began just a few days after the Moms of Black Boys United, Inc. group was formed on Facebook. With a vast number of moms joining the private group and wanting to connect, we began to create state files so that moms in the same area could connect locally. This was an awesome idea, as many members began meeting all over the United States. We had moms getting together and bonding in New Rochelle and Staten Island, NY; Philadelphia, PA; Washington DC (DMV Area); Dallas, Houston and San Antonio, TX; Atlanta, GA; Los Angeles and San Diego, CA; and other cities. They were passionately discussing ways to protect our Black sons. More than 30 meetups were held across the country over this past summer. This was the unofficial beginning of our “Heels on the Ground” chapter development throughout the country.

Since then our group has grown exponentially and MOBB United for Social Change has moved off of Facebook to our own domain at www.mobbunited.org.

     Currently, we have moms who are ambassadors of MOBB United. We appreciate their volunteerism and could not do what we do without them. Our ambassadors have taken the initiative to host and hold events in their areas. Some of those events include, but are not limited to:

• Hosting:
  • Meet and greet events (meetups)
  • MOBB United anniversary events
  • Pink Postcard parties
  • Organizing and/or participating in MLK Day Mother and Son National Day of Service projects
• Registering voters during the Rock the Vote campaign
• Representing MOBB United at government functions like the Congressional Black Caucus and local Lobby Days

Some of our ambassadors have been with us from the very beginning, while others joined us more recently. For ambassadors who were new to the group and wanted to host an event, the tools were at their disposal to make their event successful. The resources provided included presentations, recordings, fliers, pink postcards, one-on-one conversations, and social media branding. After these events, we welcome all feedback from our members via testimonies and/or online surveys.

     At this time, all of our local chapters fall under the national umbrella of MOBB United. Each chapter should have a city leader, and Chapter Development is seeking individuals who are ready to take their city to another level. This mom will be the main contact locally to bring issues and/or concerns to the national level and vice versa. We expect the city leaders to attend the monthly Saturday national status and update calls so as to be able to disseminate information consistently to other members.

     We are accepting applications online for city leaders. The requirements for being a city leader include but are not limited to:

• Completing online application
• Being a paid member of MOBB United
• Attending monthly Saturday national status and update calls
• Hosting a minimum of four meetings per year (preferably monthly or bi-monthly) to include the following:
  • Mother and Son MLK Day of Service event (January)
  • MOBB United Anniversary event to commemorate our founding (July)
  • Advocacy Event (timing TBD)
• Recruiting additional members
• Participating in Chapter Orientation

The application process is open until the end of December, and leadership expects to make selections in January 2018, as well as provide Chapter orientation.

Please follow us to see the latest timeline in Chapter Development.